We asked one of our very favorite officiants (and retired pastor) what type of advice he gives to engaged couples as he sits down with them to discuss their vows and the many happy years of marriage they have in front of them. Here is what he gave us.
Contributed by: Rick Comstock of AVow Ceremonies
Getting Married? (Here’s Some Advice)
As a husband (someone who is married) and as an Wedding Officiant (someone who performs marriages), let me say ‘Congratulations’ on your engagement and upcoming nuptials.
Marriage is, among other things, AWESOME. It is also challenging, invigorating, hard, fun, educational, enriching and stressful. Sometimes all at once.
It’s been said that the ‘Three rings of marriage are the: engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.” Hmm, let’s substitute the word enduring for suffering and add the word triumphing to the list.
Rings of marriage:
Engagement Ring – Wedding Ring – EndurRing – TriumphRing
Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. And marathons can be both exhilarating and exhausting. But who better than to run them with than the person you love most. That’s why you marry.
There are lots of tips I could offer couples getting married, let me share five:
1: Talk, and keep talking.
Lack of communication is the number one reason couples end up getting divorced. You can’t address issues in the marriage or solve problems unless you are willing to dialogue about them. So in spite of your hectic schedules, occasional physical exhaustion, grumpy in-laws, sick kids, lack of sleep, need for time for yourself, etc.; take time out weekly to check in with one another on the important things. Hint: What’s for dinner?, is not an important thing.
2: Know each other’s expectations.
You can’t meet one another’s needs unless you know what they are. The roles of husbands and wives have changed and expanded over the years, and that’s a good thing. Sometimes the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is the stay at home parent. But in either case your spouse has physical, emotional, material, mental and spiritual needs (desires). Find out what they are and do your best to meet them.
3: Manage your money.
You may never seem to have enough of it, especially early in your marriage, but you will probably still fight about it unless you have a plan to manage it. Create a budget. Know how much you need to live. Save, when you can. Avoid credit card debt like the plague . (The average household in America has more than $16,000 in credit card debt!) Put something (anything) away for retirement every month. You will be surprised how fast retirement (age) gets here and how fast your money grows.
4: Learn to affirm.
We (people) need twelve ‘hugs’ a day to help maintain emotional health. Those hugs can be: hugs, kisses, a comforting touch, or words of encouragement and affirmation. Remember the kinds of loving things you said and did to your spouse when you were dating them? Keep saying and doing them, or begin to.
5: Have fun.
You may not always have the time or money to do extravagant things: a trip to Hawaii, a Caribbean Cruise, a European Vacation, etc. But you can do the simple things: a movie night at home, a day at the beach, a bbq with friends, etc. And the simple things, while not costing lots of money or taking lots of time allow you to spend time together and nurture the various aspects your relationship.
Get in contact with Rick:
phone: (805) 550-1371
Okay, so we know that this isn’t directly something that you as a bride would be tuning in to, but we figured that there may be that one person at your wedding that you may want to forward this article over to as a subtle hint;) We asked Krista Smith of Hey Gorgeous Formal wear in Grover Beach, CA to give us a few tips on looking uber hot at a wedding without overdoing it. Her response is genius!
Contributed by: Krista Smith of Hey Gorgeous Formalwear
First things first, in my personal opinion, the only way to truly outshine a Bride on her special day, would be to attend the wedding in a costly white gown, stand in front of the guests and start kissing the groom! A bride is so truly beautiful and always has a certain type of elegance, that makes it challenging to outshine. For those that don’t want to run the risk of outshining the bride on her special day, but still want to look smokin’ hot, this article is for you.
When it comes to looking like a dime piece for a wedding, the first rule is that, please repeat after me, more skin does not mean more sexy. I can’t hear you in the back! Lets repeat, more skin does not mean more sexy. Some of my own outfits that others have stated, “wow, you look bomb”, are usually some of my most conservative ones. Keeping your look less revealing will help keep it classy and will also help you to not draw attention away from the bride as well. Now when I say keep it more conservative, I do not mean that you have to wear a turtle neck and long pants. I simply mean keep it tasteful. In my opinion a little skin never hurt anyone. And sometimes a little skin is inevitable like for those who are on the bustier side, sometimes its impossible to not have “the girls” show up at the wedding as an uninvited guest. So what’s the secret to looking sexy without looking like you’re on the way to a night club in Vegas?
The first key is that you need to know what your best body features are. If you have defined shoulders, an off the shoulder or thin strapped top will show them off. If your derrière is your favorite asset (pun intended), wear something that helps show it off like a cute jumpsuit or a dress with a fitted bottom. When I say fitted though, you don’t have to wear a dress that should be used as Spanx, just something that will show off your shape in the best way. Now, a favorite trait can also be hair, eyes, lips, a toe etc. So if your eyes are your favorite body part, wear a garment color that will help to bring them out or wear a simple outfit with a dramatic eye with colors that will help accentuate your eye color. Same with your lips, wear a bright pink or red lipstick to make your lips pop, or go for a glossy look that will make your lips look even fuller. Doing these suggestions will help bring peoples focus to where you want them looking. You can also use accessories to draw attention to certain areas, like statement earrings, to help bring attention to your face or a detailed belt to show off your waist line. Literally, whatever your favorite part of your body is, there is a way to accentuate it without going overboard.
Same idea for favored body parts, goes for non-favored body parts. Not saying a woman shouldn’t love every part of their body, which is something every woman should work towards everyday, there are still those parts that we don’t necessarily want to accentuate or have attention drawn to. By using the suggestions in the previous section to draw focus on your preferred parts, it helps reduce the focal point being on the non preferred areas. On the assets you would rather people not notice, wear slimming colors like navy, black, deep reds or purples, and avoid patterns or details that will attract focus. Choosing outfits that are looser on the areas you don’t want standing out, like the common trouble area, the mid section, will also help to deter attention from those areas. Essentially, as long as you have a positive area that is catching everyones attention, it will prevent people from noticing the imperfect areas.
To look hot at a wedding without outshining the Bride is much simpler than people would think. With the Bride glowing with happiness, you can pretty much wear anything and wont steal the spotlight. But the key thing to look like a ten, above all others, is confidence. You can be wearing a potato sack and people would still ooh and awe over you if you wear it with confidence and swagger. The most beautiful thing a woman can wear to make her shine bright, is confidence.
Contributed by: DJ Anthony Salas of Epic Entertainment
Anthony is a 24 year veteran of the wedding industry and is the founder/co-owner of Epic Entertainment and owner of Butlerz Event & Beach Rentals. Between his different companies, he oversees nearly 600 wedding and events every year.
Preparing for your toast
- Write your toast out ahead of time. Trying to write notes and thoughts the day of the wedding can be stressful.
- Use note cards. Don’t try to write it out word-for-word.
- Practice your toast. Practice with a friend, family member or a mirror.
- Be yourself. If you are a serious person, keep the toast serious. If you are a joker, inject some humor, but don’t try to be something that you are not.
- Keep it brief. Try not to exceed 10 minutes.
- Save the hard liquor for after the toast. Drunkenness, and lack of judgement are not pretty at a wedding.
- Keep it “Family-Friendly.” Watch you language. If you share stories, make sure it’s something that you would gladly share with your own grandmother.
Ideas For Your Toast
- Relationship. How did you meet the bride and/or groom?
- Childhood stories. Did you grow up together as children? What did you do together?
- Friendship. What does their friendship mean to you?
- How they met. Were you there? Were you involved? What were your thoughts when they first met?
- Watching them grow and develop. Could you tell when they were falling in love? When? How?
- Words of wisdom. What can you share to help them have a long, lasting relationship?
- Quotes. If you know of any quotes, poems or lyrics that describe the couple, use it. But don’t over-do it.
- Always end on a positive note. If you tell a funny story, close with something sentimental and a reason you know that the bride and groom are perfect for each other.
Delivering Your Toast
- Use your notes. Don’t read word-for-word, but have your outline with you.
- Hold the microphone 1 inch away from your chin. It won’t pick up your voice when it’s held near your stomach.
- Speak clearly.
- End by asking everyone to raise their glasses and toast the happy couple.
Follow DJ Anthony Salas and his companies on social media by using the following handles:
Personal Facebook: @EpicEntSLO
Personal Instagram: @AnthonySalasJr
Epic Entertainment Facebook: @EpicEntertainmentSLO
Butlerz Event & Beach Rentals Facebook: @BeachButlerz
Butlerz Event & Beach Rentals Instagram: @BeachButlerz
E-Mail Anthony Salas directly: Anthony@EpicEntertainmentSLO.com